Tribute to Donna White
Donna White’s Story 20 May 1970 - 2 November 2011
Brave battle right to the end
A tribute from her friends
Those who knew Donna White would describe her as a proud mum, a devoted wife, the consummate professional with a reputable public service career and special friend to many. We wanted to write this short piece to celebrate Donna as we knew her in the hope that in some small way we may help others who have a friend dealing with cancer. Also to fulfill Donna’s wish to give neuroendocrine cancer (NETs) more publicity. We want to get this silent but deadly cancer, in fact the 7th most fatal cancer in Australia, on the national agenda.
Donna was strong willed, even stubborn and intolerant of mediocrity. She was adamant that being riddled with cancer would not define her or prevent her from enjoying the good things in life – good food and wine, holidays with her family, fun and cheeky conversations with her friends, proud moments on the side of the soccer field cheering on her sons, William and Luke to score that glorious goal and cherishing the everyday moments with her life-long best friend and soul mate, Peter.
Donna was a private person. You had to earn her trust before she let you in to her private world but once you had that key, you felt privileged and rewarded because she nourished your soul with laughter, love, loyalty and wisdom. From our perspective, as her friends, the balance of raising awareness about NET and promoting the cause, while remaining a ‘normal’, carefree and healthy woman was difficult for Donna. She didn’t want to be recognised as being the cancer patient. Donna was more comfortable being the powerful public sector executive. She dominated the netball courts and as a referee, she was fierce and respected. She was inspiring without trying to be so. Donna was a beautiful person trying everything to stay with her beautiful family. Quite simply, Donna wanted to live.
Donna had neuroendocrine cancer but it took years to pinpoint exactly what was causing her recurring cramps and stomach pains. In fact, it took too long to identify that the problem was so serious and to get a correct diagnosis. Knowing the frustration of ongoing tests and the uneasy feeling of not being sure of what dramatic life changes were around the corner, Donna reminded us to ask the tough questions with anything related to our health. She urged us to take control of our health and wellbeing and to not feel apprehensive about questioning the medical profession. Donna taught us the importance of acting on your instincts and having the courage to do so, rather than just plodding along or complaining. When it came down to matters of health and family, Donna was adamant this must be the number one priority.
Only a couple of months before Donna passed away, she documented her medical journey for a story for the Unicorn Foundation. In it she wrote;
“I am a 40 year old otherwise healthy woman with various neuroendocrine tumours. I am a wife and mother of two boys aged 5 and 7. I was relatively healthy until June 2007 when I had a stomach ache that turned out to be pancreatitis. After countless months of detailed testing I was diagnosed with carcinoid, but had no idea of what that meant and what it would mean for my life. It all seemed like it would go away after I had surgery but that was just the beginning.”
From February 2009, she began extensive treatment to remove primary tumors in her pancreas, had her gall bladder and spleen removed and liver re-sected to remove smaller tumours. Throughout April to September 2009, she had SIRTEX radiation spheres inserted in the right side of her liver and radiation to her right hip for a 1 cm tumour on the bone and SIRTEX radiation spheres inserted in the left side of the liver.
As her first born son, William was preparing to start Kindergarten, she commenced 4 cycles of chemotherapy for tumours in the bone on her spine, skull, left hip and ribs. All the while remaining positive and forming friendships with fellow kindy parents.
Although we had developed our friendship over several years and shared many personal stories, as her friends, we are only now starting to learn the extent of the pain and illness she endured. We are astonished by her courage and willpower. While we knew she was undergoing treatment for cancer, Donna often wanted to spare us from the reality of what was happening to her body and how it was affecting her emotionally. Little did we understand the burden of endless doctor visits, screenings, therapies, pain killers and regular trips from Sydney to Melbourne (sometimes with her family and other times she chose to go on her own) for treatment as part of a research study – treatment she felt ‘lucky’ to be receiving as the key hope to her healing.
During this time, Donna continued to be a concerned and supportive friend. She volunteered on many occasions to pick up our children from school or take to them to soccer training. She would always watch her boys play soccer and would write a synopsis of the game for the clubs website with wit and humour. Donna was a key catalyst in getting us together for a night out at a restaurant, coffee after school drop-off, lunch at the local café, family picnic or BBQ. Her generosity and thoughtfulness to put others first will always be fondly remembered. Donna visited me in hospital after the birth of my second and then third son. Having two sons herself so close in age, Donna understood what it was like to be a new mum and readily offered to hold the baby to give me, ironically what she called a ‘well-deserved break’.
She was sympathetic to other working mums who struggled to balance it all. One memory that sticks in my mind is a time when I forgot that it was parent open day and chance for the child to parade their achievement in class. Donna had the understanding to sit with my son and make sure he did not feel left out. This was a huge comfort to me and I was so grateful for her compassion towards the everyday challenges of balancing work life with family commitments.
Donna White gave herself every chance to be rid of the tumours that was causing her sickness. She ate well, ate organic food, explored alternative methods of healing such as meditation, yoga and maintained a positive outlook.
Donna was so resilient throughout this whole ordeal. If anyone could beat this, we thought Donna would. Towards the end, we generally knew that things were not improving. There were indications that Donna was losing her fight but we refused to believe it. Even now, it is hard to believe there will be no more words of advice exchanged, no popping over for a coffee, no bumping into each other at the school gate and no text messages from our friend Donna. Sadly, Donna lost her fight at just 41 years of age.
The affect of her tragic loss on her family and friends has been overwhelming. Through our grief, we try to remain strong to reflect on the good times we had, while not really believing that she is not an arms length away. It seemed only yesterday we were laughing with the girls at Book Club and chatting at school pick up about her recent trip with family to Fiji and planning our annual New Year’s Eve celebrations. We shared so many good times together. Times that we will always cherish as precious.
As friends of Donna, we knew she was battling cancer but we had no idea about the depth of her illness and the pain and suffering she was enduring. While Donna is no longer with us, she has left an her imprint on our lives. She will always be in our hearts, inspiring us to lead better lives, to be better, to do more, to reach out and support.
Donna was frustrated with the lack of knowledge and support for neuroendocrine tumours compared to other types of more publicised cancers.
While we openly wish we did more, we will heed Donna’s advice and live for the now. Our pledge is to fundraise for the Unicorn Foundation, love her boys, be there for Peter, laugh and be happy.
Melanie Monico and Alia Karaman – 9 December 2011
http://www.unicornfoundation.org.au/news-events/events/event/29
